Shayne-Michael.COMedy

I'll Never Play A Coffee House - by Shayne Michael

What makes comedians bad?

The problem with this question is it's completely subjective, "what makes comedy bad?" Still, there are some comics people watch, and we seem to agree they should never have walked on stage. Hang around outside the Comedy Store any Sunday before potluck, you'll meet a ton of those people. These are comics who have no ambition beyond being seen by Mitzi Shore once. After that, they'll be so famous, they will never need to work again. There are two types of comics, those who are willing to become better comics and those who believe they are already the best God has to offer.

If you're the second type, find another career.

Comedians are not made at a single venue. The best comics I know are at a lot of stages, They never consider themselves too big to play a coffee house, unless they already have a sitcom or a best selling book. But even headlining comics will occasionally end up working out a bit at a coffee house. Why? Because if you test material on the audiences who are paying to see you then you're the epitome of unprofessional behavior.

But I'm Different

Yes, you're different from a hundred other arrogant open mic comics who disappear from the stage every year. You're better than everyone else that could have found out what worked at Jennifer's Coffee but didn't because you already knew. You don't need comedy classes, you're like that teenager that already knows everything; except you really do. And all it will take is someone seeing you once.

Let's get one thing straight, no musician would ever get on stage without rehearsing. Comedy is different, you can rehearse before a showcase, but you can only do so much in front of a mirror. If that means biting your pride and going up in front of a bunch of bitter musicians before you showcase at a comedy club, you damn well better welcome the opportunity. Part of the reason nobody goes to clubs anymore is comics have gotten lazy. Don't "test out" material on the people who paid to see you. Would you be happy if you went to see your favorite band and they put on a "rehearsal" where they did six songs, four of which they hadn't finished writing yet?

Know There Are Two Types Of Stages

There are two stages, the kind where you have audience members and the kind where you play for other performers. It is your responsibility know which type of stage you're walking onto and prepare for it accordingly.

If you're walking onto a stage full of performers you'll be doing one of two things, rehearsing material you know works or trying out new jokes. If you know the material already works (because it has worked in the past, not because God appeared to you in a dream touting your unique innate comedy genius), if you know it already works just rehearse. Pause for laughter. But don't get thrown when a room full of people who've heard the joke 100 times don't laugh.

Jokes aren't funny when you know the punchline. If the comics or musicians at this type of open mic have heard everything you're doing, use your strongest joke as a gauge. That joke will tell you the laughter you can expect on everything else. If overall, the laughter is less but the scale is smaller, you're doing fine. If the laughter is larger at a comedy club and the audience is drunk the scale is larger. The truth still lies in the middle average.

What Tips The Scales?

This can be summed up with the phrase what's written for general audiences will get a different response from comics. In an open mic some things that tip the scale away from average laughter are:

• Everyone knows the punchlines
• You're personality is unique, but everyone expects it
• Nobody has gone up yet you're warming up and unfocused crowd
• You're doing material people can't relate to (Like marriage. In a room full of comics you're better off talking divorce.)

Here, conversely, are things that will draw an audience to you. Again know your audience.

• Nobody knows the punchlines
• Nobody expects your attitude
• The crowd is already warmed up. You're not first
• You're doing material the audience can relate to

When you're rehearsing for comics, just rehearse. Don't use notes. Use all the normal inflections and gestures that you would use at a real club. Sell the joke even when nobody wants to buy it. However, when you're trying out material, comics are a great judge of what people will like. My experience is a comics first reaction to a joke is very honest. And most of the time they will laugh if a joke or story works.

So if they like a joke or story the first time, incorporate it into the stuff you already know works. The stuff you already know works is simply the stuff that has worked for comics. And when used in front of those same comics again gets similar laughs, but scaled back due to the factors I already mentioned. Then you need to test that material in front of a real paying crowd. If the crowd that pays to see you likes the material in conjunction with the way it's delivered, it's probably worth keeping.

The order is what's important.

1. Write
2. Cut
3. Rehearse
4. Test In Front Of Comics
5. Judge What Works
6. Cut Out What Doesn't
7. At Three Minutes of "Stuff That Works"
8. Go to a club where they've paid to see you
9. Judge Material Again
10. Cut: Return to Step One

But I Already Know What Works

... Said the arrogant fool from the Comedy Store open mic who has never been on stage yet and simply believes he is funny because his best friend said, "You're hysterical, now shut up I'm eating". He already knew what worked because he was a "Cab" driver in New York city. That job made him funny. Living in New York made him original.

Mitzi, by the way, doesn't watch open mic comics. Most of the open mic comics tend to have this attitude. Do you think that it's coincidence. I don't. Mitzi waits on a professional recommendation from a paid regular. She cares what other people think of you. It's not important to Mitzi or most club owners what you think of yourself...

But Isn't Self Confidence Good?

Yes. It is good. It's great. But don't be a fool, if comics weren't self confident they wouldn't walk onto a stage and tell there darkest secrets hoping somebody would laugh at them. Even the comics whose acts revolve around the phrase "Oh poor Lil' Me" are still more arrogant than most people you'll ever meet on the street.

However, there's a difference between self confidence, arrogance and stupidity.

It's self confident to think you have a message that needs to be conveyed. It's self confident to think, "hey it didn't get a laugh that time, maybe if I reword the joke I'll communicate my point better." It's arrogant to think, "It's one year later and nobody still laughs at that joke. What's up with these moronic audiences." It's stupid to ask yourself, "I ways open with that bit that never works, but I know is funny, I see it why don't people give me more paid work."

If you continually do material for yourself you're making "yourself happy." Booking agents want to know only two things who will bring people into my room today. And who will bring people into my room tomorrow. If you're simply playing for yourself, you might as well be the only person in the room. And, if you can't make either promise preferably both (good comics develop a following today and generate good word of mouth for the places they play) if you can't promise either one preferably both McDonalds hires every day. Please follow this link for an application.

Summary Of This Pamphlet

There are two kinds of comics. There are people who are trying to get discovered the moment they walk on stage. They feel they already know everything about making people laugh. They hog stage time and argue with the audience when the audience ascertains that a joke wasn't funny. They push away audiences and bring a bad names to open mikes and this industry. Occasionally they get around being funny because they have a few friends, and in Los Angeles or New York, they might be put on stage because they can put a few bodies in an audience.

If you've read this far, you're not that person.

Don't network with these people. You'll end up being a warm body to support bad comedy. You'll give booking agents a reason to put this fool on stage, because he'll know there's someone with a lack of self confidence enough to network with a looser. He'll know that there's a looser arrogant enough to network with someone with a lack of self confidence. That booker will get paid, you won't.

And ultimately you need to be self confident enough to believe you can make it without latching on to some looser whose only goal is potluck at the Comedy Store and hope he'll teach you what no audience has been able to teach him.