Shayne-Michael.COMedy

The Character Of Comedy - by Shayne Michael

Im in Hell (I Blame the Booker) - by Shayne Michael

Since I've begun running the Malibu Inn with Ari David, we've had two types of shows: good and hell. On our second week we had a packed house, almost 150 people. The bar was happy, because their typical three person Monday had drawn a ton of money but the comics weren't happy because nobody was listening. On January 12th, 2004 we repeated that hellish experience, this essay will explore why and how Ari and I could have prevented it.

From a booker's perspective the problems began when two of the headliners and the emcee didn't show up. This probably had a negative effect on my attitude about the show. With the emcee's presence questionable at best, I agreed to emcee. We were also competing with the big screen TV showing the last quarter of the Lakers game. Not until twenty minutes after the show began was the TV shut off.

The first comic asked to be introduced with the line "He had just killed a hooker in the parking lot." Which he intended to use to draw attention to a guy who walked in dressed in drag. The drag queen loved the attention, took the stage, and exposed himself. But then, who could have foreseen that this guy was just looking for attention?

The first comic was also improv based and very dirty. The audience got use to interrupting acts from the get-go. It wasn't until the next comic that anyone was exposed to any material.

So here's the setting. The transvestite has exposed himself. An uncertain emcee is trying to keep control, while two headliners and the real emcee are missing. My list doesn't match the comics present. Not a single comic had checked in with me. And the audience has paid a $10 cover for the first time for this unprofessional debacle. Is it any wonder this show turned into hell? Here's what we should have done differently.

#1: We Should Have Delayed The Show

No comic should have competed with the Lakers. Not myself as emcee, the first headliner or the first comic up. If the Malibu Inn wanted to leave the game on, well then fine, the show should have been delayed twenty minutes or at least until the last quarter ended. If it ended in over-time, that show might not have started until 10:30pm. Irregardless, most people would rather watch a good show that starts late, than a bad show that starts early.

#2: We Shouldn't Have Booked Flakes

People on our list missed other shows. Most of these flakes didn't call or email. Looking back, I'd rather have a reliable comic do a B+ set to close the show than rely on an unreliable comic who kills all the time. A comic who doesn't show up doesn't have much of a set. Any comic who fits that description should have been booked as a special guest, subject to availability, not the show closer or emcee.

#3: The First Comic Should Ignore The Transvestite

The transvestite didn't make his presence known until our performers made an issue of him. It was foolish to believe the man who walked in wearing a dress wouldn't be anxious to walk on stage and make a spectacle of himself. If we had a good show and that fool interrupted it, the audience would have been pissed, and he would have gotten the type of attention he didn't want. As it stands, the audience hadn't made up their minds yet. So it was in our best interest to ignore him until he said something worth responding to.

I should have only booked a clean, material based comic to start the show, one who wouldn't have considered interacting with Boy George. I want the audience to practice listening before the big guns come out, not interrupting. If that comic wanted to do improv, he should have "been in the moment" by talking about the physical setting of the venue first. The people should have come second. Improv in the opening moments of the show should only have been done by a seasoned pro.

#4: Everyone Should Have Checked In With The Emcee

The best emcee is only as good as his instructions. I had a garbled list, no time frames, and not one comic {except the ones trying to get future shows who weren't booked that night}had checked in with me. Since nobody checked in with me, I had to constantly go outside and check with Ari to find out who was next. Looking back I should have tracked everyone down and there should have been a note on the lineup that said, "If you don't check in with the emcee, you will not go up." Had this been the case, Ari could have worked the door in peace, and every comic on the list would have tracked me down.

#5: A Cover Charge Means Higher Expectations Not a Better Show

The audience believes if they paid, the show will be better. Therefore, they have less time for hecklers. As logical as that sounds, consider this: Audiences that pay for the show, also have less patience. Patient audiences will yell shut up and give the comic a chance when a show falls apart {even at a free show}. An impatient audience {one that paid} will yell, "you bastard, the heckler is right."

On 1/12/2004 we didn't have a patient audience. Every five minutes a different table got up and asked the bartender for a case of bud. They had no intention of waiting for the waitress to come and bring them one. How do you think this audience's patience would have held up with the unprofessional way the show was run?

The waitress needed to be quicker. So I should have reminded the audience to tip her well at the start of the show. This was a crowd that had been drinking since noon anyway. She had a chance to make a lot of money that night. I missed a golden opportunity, not reminding her that from the start. If I could have motivated everyone to treat her well, some of those people might have stayed in their seat and paid more attention to the show.

#6: Book Only the Best When You Charge

In my mind, the best now refers to the funniest and the most professional. That means a booked comic shows up and does his best material. Those comics who don't show up must either call or come in on their death bed. Bookers deserve comics with the same respect for the venue that those comics expect from each and every audience member.

Most of the time the audience's reaction is a reflection of the environment around them. If we start out the show, allowing a guy to take the stage and flash the crowd, what right to we have to demand their respect?

Oh, and show up! If you're not going to show up, call at least five days before the show. If there's even a remote chance you won't show, call the booker ASAP. Either tell him to book someone else or to book back up. We probably should have confirmed everyone by phone AND by email. Email confirmations should have used the "send-read-receipt" to insure every comic had read the outgoing email. And anyone who didn't respond should have got an immediate phone call that began, "What's up?"

#7: Make Sure the Two People Enjoying the Show Really Enjoy the Show

I got annoyed because only two people are laughing and every comic that followed learned from the example I set and made those two people more uncomfortable until they stopped laughing all together. Rather than spreading, the laugher was quashed.

Without those two people, we were playing for our mirrors. We should have got their names and put them on the guest list for every show. We should have made them feel comfortable for enjoying the show. It's too easy to say, "well you're the only one that's enjoying this; why should I go on?" Your perspective should be "thank god two people are enjoying this, now I can do another 45 minutes."

#8: We Should Have Advertised Everything, Including The Guest List

We only had the cool idea, we'll have a guest list for bar regulars who want to avoid the cover. But neither Ari nor myself had any way of advertising this, which would allow the people who were really interested in seeing a show, get in around the cover. Those people would have gotten a ten dollar show for free. Those are the people who tell transvestites to put their pants on and leave.

Looking back, I should have made cards and distributed flyers that said, get on next week's guest list - email Ari. At the very least, we would have really insured people were there for the show. We'd have made less money at the door; but the bar would have been happy and the comics would have been in for a better night.

Summary Of This Essay

In order for a show to work everyone has to win. The bookers must be happy, the comics must be happy, the audience must want to come back, and the bar must make money. On 1/12/2004, only Ari, myself and the bar won. In the end, that ensures a show next week, but not one next year.

A lot of things went wrong on 1/12/2004 at the Malibu Inn. I wasn't comfortable telling the Malibu Inn to turn off the TVs or kick the riffraff out. It took thirty minutes for either to happen. As a result, we started the show by competing with Boy George and the Lakers.

I'm convinced if we had done everything I mentioned differently we wouldn't have needed to tell the Malibu Inn to turn off the TVs. We would have started after the game. Moreover, if we had waited until Boy George interrupted before drawing attention to him, the Malibu Inn would have kicked him out on his ass. At that point the happiness of the 80 audience members enjoying the show would be more important than Boy George's ego.

I had originally intended to write a companion piece what should the comic do during hell night? Let me tell you the most important thing. You never have to play your least favorite room. However, grind your teeth and bare it. Be careful about bad mouthing the venue, the booker or the people involved. Comedians talk to each other as do bookers. It's easy to forget who deserves to be booked twice but it's hard to forget someone you would never book again.

By the way, I didn't mention the strangest thing that happened tonight. Someday, I'll tell you all how Ari closed the show, and why Andy Kaufman would have said "Damn I wish I'd thought of that."