Shayne-Michael.COMedy

Writing About How You Look - by Shayne Michael

Many comics start by writing jokes that say who do they look like. Carrot Top compares himself the picture that was used as a mascot when Wendy's used an ugly oranged-haired girl to sell burgers. That was way before Dave Thomas was on TV hocking his unusual square burgers. [Being square makes a burger unique & taste better.] If the reference wasn't at all so dated then two mascots later newcomers might understand why the comment is funny.

Other comics have been called a cross between two famous personalities. The more dissimilar these famous people are, the funnier the statement is. It's not as funny to say, "Well I'm a cross between Pamela Anderson & Jennifer Lopez." There both beautiful women.

Though, it might be funny to say, if a guy is making the comment.

On the other hand if you say "I'm a cross between Pamela Anderson & Tommie Lee" you set up a number of places you can go. First off, they're nothing alike. And since you're referring to a couple that has a relationship, you can play off their appearances and their personalities together.

In order for crossing two people to work though, there must be a little of each person inside you. If you say you're a cross between Pamela Anderson and Tommie Lee, make sure that you have long blonde hair, big breasts and a few large tatoos. And then occasionally beat yourself up.

Here are some ways to combine opposites:

• Combine: Ugly Celebrities & Pretty people
• Combine: Male Celebrities & Women
• Combine: Redneck Celebrities & Well Mannered People
• Combine: Straight Laced & Wild celebrities
• Combine: Serial Killers with priestly figures

Opposites like this are the foundation for many jokes. What the audience is thinking is, "How could this person possibly be these people they're nothing alike?" Here's where the joke comes in, they can because you are. Maybe for some reason you remind people of James Belushi, but you're think as a pencil. That can be hysterical. Moreover, it gives people a chance to relate to you, by relating to someone their already familiar with.

But I Look Plain?

No, you're not plain. You're lazy. Either that or you don't like the answer. Enough people have become famous that you look like one of them. If the person became famous for the wrong reason, and you're not comfortable with the comparison, you face a serious obstacle.

Briefly that obstacle is You're avoiding what the audience is already thinking. This will distance yourself from any audience, so be very careful not to do it. Now, if the comparison is week, and you feel the joke you get is not worth the effort, you're right. It's probably not. But don't say you don't remind someone of anyone.

You might even look like that fictitious sick uncle, we've all heard of but no photo was ever created. You might look like that old spinster everyone envisions when people play old maid. You might be Dennis Rodman is he were a white woman.

I don't say you should always talk about who you look like.

But, by knowing who you look like, even if you don't say it, you're one step closer to the audience. The audience who will make up their minds the minute you walk on stage. Connecting with the audience, even though just in your head, is a good place to start a career. And it's a great place to start writing.

Are You The Same Person On Stage?

My experience tells me yes. In fact, on stage you're probably more yourself than anywhere else. I know very conservative women who become very sexual on stage. It's a safe outlet.

I don't argue these women are different though. On stage is probably who you wish you would be. If you're sexual on stage and pent up off stage, you're probably a pervert. And if you're going to start writing jokes about your life. You're better off knowing it. At least have the courage to ask yourself which me am I? The one on or off stage.

Come to terms with the answer. And then continue writing.

I think this is also a bad place to have other people write jokes for you. On tour I was described as a cross between Charles Manson and Steven Wright. It was someone else's joke and I was never comfortable with it. Here's why, if I'm related to Manson it was only through my haircut.

Honestly, inside I'm more like Alan Alda, though women do tend to get that nervous serial killer fear around me. If I said I'm a lot like Charles Manson, but only in my haircut I would have been a lot truer to my own personality. I could have delivered the joke better. I could have probably sold it because I would have believed it. Which comes to a critical rule when writing comedy.

Don't try to sell jokes that you haven't sold to yourself.

If you're not buying them neither will the audience. It's much easier to write about outside factors, like the weather and politics when you write for other people. The only real exception I know is when you're so close to another comic, you're a part of their daily life. When you react to someone that much, these type of personal jokes are easy to write for each other.

When you're not, you're best off not trying.

Mistakes To Avoid

Before comparing yourself to anyone famous or fictional, it's good to take an appearance inventory. Are you fat? Are you skinny? Are you muscular? Who does your face remind you of? Who does your hair remind you of? Do you have big feet? Does that mean you should play basketball? Are you tall? Are you short? Are you big? Are you small? Are you big yet John Holmes has nothing to worry about because your feet are so small?

The point is as you ask yourself about yourself, work other people into the questions. Work other people in, that everyone would be familiar with. Be aware how famous they are. You might get a laugh comparing yourself to Kato Kalin, but the reference is still dated. Dated means you won't get great laughs because the reference is too old for anyone but another comic to understand.

If comics laugh at dated references, beware. They are not normal. And they're very nostalgic for moronic celebrities. The general public has probably forgotten. Here are some other mistakes when writing personal appearance jokes.

Be Real: #1: If you're famous for being a slob and you put on a suit, you're contradicting your own personality. Contrary to what a club owner might say, you're outfit is part of your act. Everything that says something about you is part of your act. Don't let it confuse the audience, by having it say one thing while you say another.

Don't Dwell: #2: Unless you're appearance is all of who you are don't dwell on it. It's nice to get out of the way that you're fat. But don't expect to dwell on it for thirty minutes. The same joke for thirty minutes says nothing but you don't write much. it's almost as bad as going to the women in comedy festival at the Comedy Store (I didn't capitalize it because it doesn't deserve it) and hearing an hour and a half of "I Hate Men Jokes..."

Remember your goal is to convince the audience that you're not blind. When you keep drilling on the obvious joke after joke, you're calling the audience blind. No group smart enough to go to a comedy club is blind. They might be dumb. But they're never blind.

Fill in the blank with a celebrities name:

I look like:
My face reminds people of:
I am as muscular as:
I am as tall as:
I am as fat as:
My Hair Looks Like:
My Eyes Remind People Of:
I dress like:
In church, I dress like:

Finding The Jokes:

Take a look at your answers. If there are two celebrities who are complete opposites, is the audience going to see you as a cross between those two people? How is that effecting your chances on stage. If they think you dress like a slob, they probably think you're poor. Either that or lazy.

In my case it's lazy. That and the washing machine is too expensive.

You would combine the two by saying, "Okay maybe I dress like Steven Wright at a semi-formal church, but only because the washer takes too many quarters and my favorite guy at Super Cuts is in a coma."

Summary Of This Pamphlet

This Comedy Squared pamphlets is to better help you understand how to write material about your personal appearance. It focuses on writing about your outward appearance. One of the most important points is to be true to yourself. Don't give a description of yourself that the audience will not see within you.

Don't assume you're plain and can't be compared to anyone. There are too many celebrities both living and dead to decide this. Also be careful not to use dated references. And do not dwell on the topic. Nothing is more boring than 45 minutes of fat jokes.