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Do You Deserve To Be Famous - Show All Articles

By Shayne Michael on May, 2002

#1: Are You A Draw?

Make fun of Britney Spears all you want. Slam Shikira for her undeserved Grammies. Tell me 'N Sync is the worst boy band you've ever heard. You just made yourself irrelevant.

Why would I say that? Britney may only know four chords. As a musician myself I can tell which bands are putting together complex arrangements and which are reselling old hack material. However, Britney can also sell out an amphitheater. Irregardless of what you think of her talent, this alone makes her more marketable than most of the comics who put her down. Maybe you should stop making fun of her and start reading how someone with so little talent can sell out a stadium.

I don't care what you think of Spears, 'N Sync or Shikira, who will the booker make money off? Would you hire someone who sells seats or someone who can't? Let's be clear I hate bringers. However, comedians who do nothing to market themselves (not specific shows they are in, but all the shows they are in) can not win.

I get even more annoyed by comics who say, "I can't promote myself yet, I don't feel comfortable selling tickets to my friends I'm not good enough." Well then what makes you think you're good enough for my friends or fans? I'm to the point where I market every show I do. I have a monthly newsletter and I started LS (Fans) and the Daily Joke just to let fans know where to see me each day. If you really believe you're not good enough to sell tickets to people who are already routing for you how can you believe that you're ready to sell tickets to people who are there to see someone else?

#2: How Much Time Do You Spend Slamming Other Comics?

There are a lot of comedians I don't respect. There are some websites I find hypocritical rip offs. Why do I keep my mouth shut about all of them?

To start with, how will voicing my opinion make HeyLady.com a better site? How will voicing my opinion make me a better comic? How will voicing my opinion bring me one step closer to reaching my goals? Time is the most limited resource you will ever have. If you're in the habit of wasting it on somebody else's business you will never be famous (though your competition might.) Becoming famous is about having the time to focus on yourself. In most cases it's about having a team of people focused on your goals so that you can spend the most time doing whatever you're best at.

Famous comedians have lawyers, publicists, agents, managers writers and sometimes people to shoot their former wives. Do you think Madonna doesn't deserve her entourage because she can't play an instrument or do you understand why she would never be so famous without it?

#3: Why Do You Stand Out Amongst 1000 Other Comics?

"I can do thirty minutes of improv." So what, so can 100 other comics. "I can do a two hour set." So what, I know comics who could go for three. "My material would make a good sitcom." So what, so would the material of 100 other comics who work clean and talk about their families. Some have even written a pilot, cast actors to demonstrate it could work and pitched the idea to every producer in Los Angeles. Are you serious enough to take that kind of risk?

And the dumbest excuse of all, I stand out because I'm funny.

Even if 90% of the time you're the best comic in the line up. Do you really believe you're standing out because of that? In 90 percent of the shows I do, everyone is there to see someone else. The person they're there to see almost always gets louder applause and bigger laughs than me. Do you really think that's because I'm not funny enough? I have to come off stronger than the person they came to see. And I can't use the excuse, "Well they came to see Joe Blow."

What makes comics stand out? I've heard, "He stands out because he's more animated than any other comic I've ever seen." I've heard, "She stands out because she's a better writer than any comic I've ever seen." I have never said, "She stands out because she's a better writer than half the comics I've ever seen." If the best you can say is you do one thing better than a fraction of the comedians you know, you don't deserve to be famous.

#4: Why Will You Make The Network That Signs You Rich?

Most comics have a vague idea for a sitcom, movie or book. They intend to create it after the network signs them. They're doing things in the wrong order. Why would any network waste time producing a sitcom that hasn't been written? Do you know how much money it takes to pitch a sitcom to a network? Do you understand the amount of money it takes to hire actors, create a script and put on a pilot pitch at a regular theater? When the network films the pilot itself using the big Panasonic cameras they'll be investing no less than $100,000 on your ideas.

No network is going to invest in an idea that doesn't exist yet. Create the idea before the networks become interested. Watch sitcoms. Watch movies. Read humorous books. Learn how to develop your own products and to market them along with your act. But my comedy's different? No it's not. Do you believe Shikira, N Sync or Spears would be able to tour without an album to sell? Do you realize proven album sales allow these singers to book amphitheaters and then sell them out later? If the album didn't sell do you think they would get to book a stadium? If you don't even have a CD or tape available to the public, you're not working hard enough.

#5: How Much Time Are You Truly Putting Into Your Craft?

Are you satisfied with getting laughs or are you always trying to be the best comedian on the stage? How many jokes did you write yesterday? What was the last time you wrote something new?

I don't care if you write 100 jokes a day. What I care about is are you in the habit of making each day one step closer to being the best comedian possible. You're better off writing one joke per day than occasionally writing one hundred jokes to make up for two weeks you were too lazy to write. It's the habit of making yourself better that will pay off in the end. Habits are hard to break, even good ones.

I know so many comics who feel they deserve to be on the tonight show. But, when you ask them when was the last joke they wrote, they can't answer. I also know comedians who believe they don't need to write because they have eight of the tightest minutes possible. Well, guess what? I have never seen an act that couldn't be improved, in twelve years. I can count the number of standing ovations I've seen comedians get on one hand. If you're not putting time into becoming better on a daily basis you don't deserve to be famous either.

#6: How Decent Of A Person Are Your?

Without fail when you compare two of the best comedians in their field, it always comes to finding two. One is a talented asshole. The other is a less talented nice guy. Well if I have a choice, I work with the talented nice guy. The problem with the asshole is I'm marketing every show I do to a list of fans. Do you think I want them to deal with an asshole no matter how talented? That's why I'll help the nice guy write material for free until he surpasses the asshole. I can't afford to have fans not want to come back to my show because of who went up before me pissed them off.

On the other hand, if I know a good comic with potential, who always walks onto the stage and gives it his best effort. If he always treats my fans in the best manner possible I'll bend over backwards to help however possible. Remember I won't be famous until I can draw a huge following. And I won't draw a huge following if I share the stage with anyone who cuts down my fans. That's a good reason never to insult the audience even when bombing truly is the audience's fault. Do you want somebody else's fans to see your name on a marquee and say, "I like him." Or would you rather they say, "What's the next show you're doing after the one with that asshole from last week?"

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